Teaching Paper on Divorce and Remarriage
1. The union between a man and woman in marriage images the unity within God. The intimacy and fidelity of the marriage relationship mirrors God’s own intimacy and faithfulness. As divine imagers, marriage is a sacred relationship that participates in God’s own life. Consequently, we are called to faithful love as we imitate God’s own relationship in our relationship with our marriage partners.(1)
2. Divorce, therefore, was never intended by God. He hates divorce. It disrupts the peace, unity and harmony God originally created and intended. It violates our participation in God’s life. As a result, divorce always involves sin since it entails a failure to be like God. The sin of divorce is the violation of the marriage covenant. When a couple divorces for selfish reasons they violate the marriage covenant.[2]
3. However, God himself divorced Israel for her unfaithfulness[3] and God excluded humans from the Garden due to their sin as they violated the peace and harmony of his original creation. Divorce is something that God grieves. Nevertheless, due to the hardness of human hearts,[4] God permits divorce in some circumstances. [5] God permits divorce when the marriage covenant has been violated.
4. Matthew 19 and 1 Corinthians 7 recognize fallen situations in which God permits divorce even though he never intended it. Jesus permits divorce on the ground of porneia (“fornication” or “marital unfaithfulness”). The meaning of porneia is subject to a range of interpretations—perhaps any kind of sexual unfaithfulness (including a sexual addiction to pornography that harms, abuses or deprives the other partner) or marital covenant-breaking (including sexual involvement with another person). Paul permits divorce on the ground that an unbeliever no longer wants to live with a believer. As a result, the believer is “not under bondage,” that is, not bound to stay married or remain unmarried after the divorce.[6]
5. That Jesus did not intend an exclusive exception to divorce is indicated by the fact that Paul offers another exception.[7] Rather, both of these exceptions are employing a broader principle which Jesus and Paul apply in their particular circumstances. Neither of these texts intends to offer an exhaustive list of exceptions. The broader principle is based on a partner’s obligation to the marital covenant to supply basic needs such as food, shelter and sexual rights. The broader principle that gives just cause for divorce is something like the willful and radical violation of the marriage covenant such that it substantially harms (spiritually, emotionally or physically) the other partner.[8] Specifically, willful and radical violation includes not only sexual intercourse with someone other than the spouse, but addictions (sexual, drug or alcohol) and abuse (physical or mental) that harm the other partner and/or the family. When one partner willfully pursues such a course without any substantive interest in seeking help or redemption the other partner may pursue a divorce to seek safety and peace. God calls us to peace in such situations.[9]
6. The sin of divorce and remarriage is the divorce, not the remarriage. When partners divorce their spouses without just cause, they commit adultery (violate the covenant) against their former partner. They have broken the covenant and that is sin.[10]
7. Sin, however, can be forgiven. God yearns to forgive and renew relationship with his people. The divorced God sought to remarry Israel and renew his covenant with them.[11] God invites and welcomes all who have sinned, no matter what their sin. Divorce is not an unforgivable sin any more than stealing, lying, or adultery are unforgivable. Penitent believers will find God gracious. Repentance involves a commitment to never do it again—to never divorce again. If one is in a new marriage, repentance means renewed commitment to that marriage.[12]
8. Whether illegitimately divorced persons may remarry without further sin is a controversial question. Some shepherds believe that such a remarriage would be a further act of adultery in addition to the divorce.[13] The remarriage is itself an act of adultery. Therefore, Christians who have divorced for unbiblical reasons should remain unmarried or be reconciled.[14] Consequently, these shepherds would hesitate to counsel such persons to seek a new mate and discourage a new marriage relationship. Other shepherds believe the adultery is the divorce, not the remarriage. In their view, marriage is never condemned in Scripture.[15] There is no sin in remarrying. There may be times when it is better not to marry, but if one does marry, there is no sin.[16] God never intended, except for those who are so gifted and inclined for the sake of the kingdom, for humans to be alone.[17] Seeking a new relationship, according to these shepherds, does not violate God’s intent for his creation.[18] Despite this diversity among the shepherds, all agree that each person must study the Scriptures for themselves, seek wise counsel, and pray for divine wisdom as they consider future relationships. Each person is ultimately accountable for their decisions before God. Recognizing the difficulty of such decisions and the diverse circumstances in which people find themselves, the shepherds of this church will neither exclude people from this fellowship nor relegate them to some kind of secondary status within the community who, after honestly seeking the will of God, decide to remarry.
9. The Sycamore View Church of Christ seeks to maintain the integrity of marriage and encourage commitment to marriage covenants. Divorce is a sin and has tremendous destructive power. But in some situations (as described above) divorce is the most redemptive choice. God seeks redemption, healing and forgiveness for divorced people and encourages faithful love for those in new marriages. Given the difficulties of understanding and the variety of circumstances, this community of faith is committed to love one another in redemptive ways and treat each other with respect as we promote healthy marriages, welcome the divorced and encourage the remarried.
Biblical texts: Genesis 1:26-31; 2:24; Exodus 21:7-11; Leviticus 20:21; 21:7; Deuteronomy 21:10-14; 22:13-29; 24:1-4; Proverbs 2:17; Ezra 9-10; Jeremiah 3:1-10; 9:2; 13:27; 23:10; Ezekiel 16:8; 23:36-45; 44:22; Hosea 4:12-15; 7:4; Malachi 2:13-16; Matthew 1:19; 5:31-32; 14:3-4; 19:1-12; Mark 6:17-18; 10:1-12; Luke 16:18; John 4:16-18; Romans 7:1-3; 1 Corinthians 7; Hebrews 13:4
Footnotes
[1] The mystery of the relationship between a man and woman in marriage is analogous to the mystery between Christ and the Church as well as the mysterious relationship between Father, Son and Spirit. The unity-in-diversity of the Triune God is mirrored in the unity-in-diversity of the marriage relationship (male and female as one flesh). Genesis 1:26-28; 2:24; Matthew 19:4-6; Ephesians 5:28-33.
[2] Divorce is the dissolution of the marriage covenant. The marriage covenant is a breakable agreement between a man and a woman. Malachi 2:13-16; Proverbs 2:17; Ezekiel 16:8.
[3] God gave Israel and Judah both certificates of divorce because of their adulterous (covenant-breaking) idolatry. Jeremiah 3:1-10; 9:2; Ezekiel 16:32-43; Hosea 4:10-14; 7:4.
[4] Moses regulated divorce through a certificate of divorce and thus permitted divorce due to the presence of sin in the world. Deuteronomy 24:1-4; Matthew 19:8.
[5] Matthew 19:9 permits divorce on the ground of porneia (sexual immorality) and 1 Corinthians 7:15 permits divorce on the ground of that an unbeliever no longer wants to remain married to a believer.
[6] When Paul says that the believer is “not under bondage” in such cases, his language contrasts with 1 Corinthians 7:11 where believers are to remain “unmarried or be reconciled.” The language, therefore, at least means that believers divorced by unbelievers are not obligated to remain unmarried.
[7] Mark and Luke have no exceptions. Did Mark and Luke intend to teach that Jesus had no exceptions? Did Matthew intend to teach that there was only one exception? Jesus words in Matthew are contextualized by the question raised which assumes what everyone agrees upon—porneia is a ground for divorce. When Paul adds another exception, we recognize that none of these texts intend to give a full accounting of all the possible circumstances in which divorce is permissible.
[8] Exodus 21:7-11 mandates that the husband is to provide food, clothing and marital rights. The denial of any of these was grounds for divorce without prejudice.
[9] One of the principles with which Paul works in assessing the issues of marriage in 1 Corinthians 7 is the principle that “God has called us to live in peace” (7:15).
[10] Matthew 5:31-32 teaches that when a man divorces his wife, the divorce itself adulterates his former spouse. Some translations read: “causes her to become an adulterer” and whoever marries her “commits adultery.” Both of these verbs, however, are passive. In other words, this is something that the person doing the divorcing does. Whoever divorces his wife, adulterates her and whoever marries a woman so adulterated is also adulterated by the one who divorced his wife. Mark 10:12 teaches that when a man divorces his wife and marries another, he commits adultery “against her” (his former spouse). He causes her to break the covenant. The point of Matthew 5 is that such adulteration should be unthinkable for a person who seeks first the kingdom of God. Divorce is no trivial matter. Rather, it is adultery, and adulterates all those involved because divorce is covenant-breaking (adultery).
[11] God remarried Israel and Judah in the story of Hosea, for example. Hosea 2:18-20.
[12] Faithfulness means keeping our covenants rather than breaking them. Even when Israel entered into a covenant with the Gibeonites which they should not have done, they were obligated to keep the covenant (Joshua 9:1-21). As people who imitate God, we keep our covenants and fulfill our vows. Breaking a covenant in order to renew an earlier covenant is exactly what Moses prohibited in Deuteronomy 24:1-4.
[13] Jesus says that anyone who “divorces his wife…and marries another woman commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9).
[14] Paul specifically tells Christians who have “separated” (divorced) that they should remain “unmarried or be reconciled” in 1 Corinthians 7:11-12.
[15] In fact, those who forbid marriage are categorized among those who promote the teachings of demons (1 Timothy 4:3).
[16] In 1 Corinthians 7:8 Paul says the “unmarried” (agamos) do not sin if they remarry. The term “unmarried” (agamos) includes divorced persons (1 Corinthians 7:11; agamos is used comprehensively in 1 Corinthians 7:32, 34 to describe singlehood). But did not Paul tell divorced Christians to remain unmarried or be reconciled in 1 Corinthians 7:11? Yes, but Paul also told the virgins who were not bound to a spouse (that is, engaged to be married) to not seek a mate. But if they did, they would not sin (1 Corinthians 7:27-28). In both cases he counsels against marriage due to the circumstances he describes in 1 Corinthians 7:29-31, but he also—in both cases—says that if they do marry, they do not sin. The principle reason why marriage is advisable and honorable for the “unmarried” in this context is “that it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (1 Corinthians 7:9). For Paul in 1 Corinthians 7, it is good for the unmarried to stay unmarried. But “if they cannot control themselves, they should marry” (1 Corinthians 7:9). This principle is applicable to divorced persons where there can be no reconciliation (1 Corinthians 7:8-12).
[17] Paul calls singlehood a “gift” in 1 Corinthians 7:7 but not everyone has this gift. Some become functional eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of God, but this is a choice on their part and not a command or prescribed necessity (Matthew 19:10-12; cf. 1 Corinthians 7:32-35.
[18] A fundamental principle of the human story is that it is not good for a man to be alone (Genesis 2:18).